This topic started out with the OP asking “How you really find an anal only partner?”. I read the emphasis of the question to be on “how do you find”, not “can you find”. That question was really only directly addressed very recently (perhaps some dating sites allow users to specify their interests, desires, etc.).
Though I am long-time happily married and we are fairly new on the AO path, I sometimes wonder “what would I do [about finding a woman interested in AO] if my wife dumped me or if she passed away or something like that”.
I get it that sometimes getting on the AO path “just happens” or is guided by one partner, etc.
However, I believe that the OP’s question is excellent and completely appropriate.
If one needs tires for their car, one doesn’t go looking for tires in a grocery store. If one is a gay man looking for other gay men, one would not try dating women to find a gay male partner. If one wants some specific sexual attributes in a partner and relationship, it seems to me that the best approach is to actually, specifically look for those attributes.
But, the original question remains. How and where would one look for an AO partner?
I don’t know much about dating sites or hookup sites (I have never been on one), but my sense of them from general reading is that there are a lot of scammers hanging out in those environments looking for desperate people to scam.
In our society, these days it is okay for a gay man or lesbian woman to be clear about what they are seeking. But it does not seem to be as okay for straight people to be open about what type of sexual activities are of interest to them.
What would you do if you had been in an AO relationship that ended for some unrelated reason and you wanted your future relationship(s) to be AO? How would you pursue that? If non-AO is a deal-breaker for somebody in their future relationship(s), it seems to me that just randomly getting into relationships, and hoping that AO will develop, is a big waste of time and energy. A regular poster on this forum recently said something to the effect of “life is short, too short”. I know that in the distant past (with previous partners) I spent decades of my life in relationships where the sexual side just was not right for me. If I were to be back in the “available” category, I would want to focus on being sure I was at least “fishing in a pond where there were fish”.
I just don’t know how AO-seeking people accomplish that.